Everything’s Gonna Be Alright

On Saturday, Gracyn asked me why I used to cry when we went to doctor appointments while I was pregnant with Baker. I’m not sure what triggered those memories but she definitely remembers that season of life. We’ve always talked a lot about Down syndrome and heart defects with her so I told her she was right.

I did cry.

I had a rough couple of weeks when we first learned of Baker’s diagnosis and often times those emotions played out in front of the girls, whether it was during a nerve wracking follow up with my OB or after a phone call with the geneticist when they delivered test results. I cried because I was scared about our family’s future and Baker’s future. I was worried about his heart. I was sad, thinking our life would be drastically different.

I also told her that it was okay that I cried, that it was okay to have all the feels because now look at us. Almost a year has passed since we learned of Baker's heart and his Ds diagnosis. I’m not worried about our family’s future. Baker’s heart is fixed. Sure, I may have moments where I'm hard on myself, thinking we could be doing more with him or times when I'm feeling discouraged when I see him working so hard towards the next milestone that hasn’t quite clicked yet, but deep down, I know he’ll get there.

I look at pictures like these and am instantly reminded that our life isn’t that different at all. One of the best big sisters reading to her baby brother while another pretty great big sis plays nearby, always close to her bubba. Gracyn calls him "my little boyfriend." They fight over who gets to give him bedtime kisses first.  I still cry every now and then but they're mostly happy tears knowing he’ll be alright.

They’re all gonna be alright.